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The global empire of VW is ever growing as it consumes one manufacturer after another, transforming once failing brands into international successes. Skoda has always been the butt of every joke as they are seen as “the poor mans alternative” and “mobile scrap heaps.” Yet, in todays world where the company has been recycled by VW, they seem to be churning out some rather respectable pieces of engineering. This Skoda Fabia 1.2 HTP, however, is not one of them.

The Skoda Fabia is a big seller for the brand with a checkered past, offering a very well priced mode of transport with added German reliability. Sharing many components with the Golf and Polo, this Fabia HTP on paper is a very logical choice. In truth this car is only marginally better than taking the bus. It is one of the most unappetizing vehicles on sale appearing to have been designed solely by librarians who’s keenest past-time is watching paint dry.

Lets begin with its 1.2 litre petrol engine. Again this on paper has promise with reasonable economy and ample pulling power for around town. In reality it has the strength of a damp paper bag being only just capable of pulling out of a junction before wind erosion sets to work on the body. Its racket penetrates into the cabin with the elegance of an ostrich falling down a spiral staircase. I have heard slaughterhouses produce more appealing noises than the selection on offer from this car. The overall driving experience is further mutilated by the lifeless steering. Inputs are meaningless resulting in vague changes of direction that are completely uninvolving. The cars ride is not only another complaint but is in fact the crown jewel of a towering list of misery. Even on the smoothest roads occupants are jiggled around like fruit in a grocery bag as the Fabia manages to make mountains out of slight road imperfections and vast gorges out of the odd pothole. If it wasn’t for the distinctly average seats holding you in place, occupants would find themselves shuffled into different seating positions from where they began.

Are there any positives to this car at all or am I just going to continue to rant? Well for a brief intermission I do have a few good words to say about this Fabia. Firstly build quality is very solid and though every element is dull in its design, it is unlikely to fall apart any time soon. In terms of practicality there is room for five adults, even those of the overtly tall variety, and plenty of boot room. The gearbox is also something to be commended as it is effortless in its cog changing abilities. Oh, and the interior door handles are very well sculpted.

Sorry, I’m not quite sure what came over me then… Normal unsatisfied service shall resume. The architecture of the car is uneventful with styling cues taken from items such as bookshelves, a calculator and a pot of cottage cheese. COME ON SKODA! This car has to compete with the likes of the Clio and Fiesta, two attractive cars with higher aspirations than becoming models that fade into the pages of the classifieds.

I wanted to be impressed  by the Fabia. I wanted to be able to write about how it was a bargain and great value but in all honesty you get what you pay for. Competitors may be more expensive but they offer more vigor, more equipment and the ability to transport human beings without complete spine disintegration occurring. 0-62MPH takes an agonizing 14.9 seconds and I’m sorry but in this day and age it just does not come up to scratch.

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